Chapter 2 — I DON'T HAVE TO TRUST EVERYONE — MEHTAP I

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Karanlık, rüya gibi fonda uyuyan kadın ve beyaz yazı: RUYAM MEHTAP ARK EVRENİ

⚠️ Suitable for adult readers. May contain triggering content. ⚠️

Mehtap ~ October 17, 2016 — Monday

After work, I left the office to wait for my childhood friend Batu. He was going to drive me to the hospital today. After going down the stairs, I walked to the right side of the sidewalk and waited by the road.

A few minutes after me, Necmi Bey came out of the building with Serhat Bey. They talked for a while. Necmi Bey saw his guest off and returned to the office, while Serhat Bey began walking down the stairs.

Just then, there was some activity immediately to my right. The black cars that had arrived with the bodyguards caught my attention.

As Serhat Bey passed me and headed toward the cars, he hesitated and stopped.

"Your name?"

I frowned and looked at him. "My name?"

I'd repeated his words involuntarily because I was surprised.

He smiled as if he'd heard something funny. "Everyone has a name. Don't you?"

His question made me uncomfortable, and I put on my most serious expression. I gave him a pointed once-over from bottom to top, finally looking him straight in the eyes.

"Of course I have a name, just like everyone else, but… are we close enough for me to be on familiar terms with you? No."

Without saying anything else, I turned to face forward again.

After a moment, he burst out laughing. Well, look at the nerve of this lunatic!

Men like him thought they could have anything they wanted just because they were wealthy. My grandfather was that kind of man, too.

"If you'd like, we could give you a ride wherever you're going?"

My face immediately twisted in disgust. After everything I'd been through, I didn't trust strangers… especially men. I would never get into a car with so many male bodyguards and a man who was trying to get unnecessarily familiar with me.

Just then, I saw İlknur abla coming out of the office. "Good evening, Serhat Bey." They had a brief conversation. I couldn't understand what Serhat Bey was still waiting for.

İlknur abla turned to me and asked, "Are you going to the hospital?" I nodded.

"Could I come with you?"

She hadn't visited my aunt in a long time.

I gave her a slight smile. "My aunt said she missed you. It would be good if you came. It would lift her spirits."

"Well then… Which handsome young man is picking us up today?"

My smile widened. "The one from Ankara… Batu."

He was one of the three boys I'd met while living in the orphanage. Until we were twelve, we'd lived in the same children's home, though in separate dormitories. After turning thirteen, we'd moved to a residential care home for older children.

I remembered the day I'd first seen the building. It stood on a large property surrounded by high gray walls, almost resembling a school campus. A long asphalt road separated the three-story pale yellow building on the right from the building with the blue exterior on the left.

I hadn't known it at the time, but I learned soon afterward. The building on the right belonged to the girls, while the one on the left belonged to the boys. There were more than seventeen meters between them. In the middle were a large garden full of pine trees, several playgrounds, and a concrete open area mostly used for ceremonies.

Although the garden appeared to be shared, it wasn't used that way. There were rules everyone knew and had to follow. Back then, those rules had seemed ridiculous to me because they prevented me from communicating with the boys. Now, though, I understood why they existed, and I supported all of them because I knew they were necessary.

The three boys I called my family… Emin, Altuğ, Batu… All three were bodyguards for the philanthropic businessman who was helping my aunt. Altuğ and Batu were my age, while Emin was a few years younger than us. Don't let his age fool you. He used to beat up boys older than himself to protect Altuğ.

Despite his large, burly appearance, Altuğ was the most emotional, calmest, and quietest of us all. He was actually like a little kitten. Then again, I'd been to Emin's boxing gym a few times. Altuğ had beaten the hell out of a man stronger than himself in the boxing ring. I knew he hadn't built all those muscles for nothing.

The sight of a car with KAN on its license plate approaching us pulled me out of the past. I stepped aside to let İlknur abla get in first. Just then, I noticed Serhat Bey examining the car. His bodyguards were also waiting for him to get into his own car.

When his gaze suddenly turned toward me, I got all flustered.

"Good evening," I said politely. Without waiting for him to respond, I got into the front seat of the car.

Oh, sure, as if I hadn't been the one who'd just snapped at the man!

Batu gave the bodyguards outside one last look and stepped on the gas.

"How are you, ladies? How was your day?"

İlknur abla gave Batu a brief summary of her day. When an Ankara folk dance tune began playing on the radio, Batu turned up the volume. He gave me a knowing look, and I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Hey! Easy now… Oh my, oh my!" he began singing along.

"Gız (girl)! There should be some spoons in that glove compartment. Şıkkıdı şıkkıdı (clackety-clack), let's hear it." I shrugged and didn't do what he said. I didn't even answer. I was tired and had no energy.

"We're from Angara, we're fine young men, we play the spoons, we dance the Misket…" (Author's note: Misket is a traditional Ankara folk dance. Playing spoons as percussion is also associated with Turkish regional folk music.)

İlknur abla's laughter filled the car. While they chatted, I continued looking out the window.

Batu turned to me and said, "I won't be around next month."

I turned my eyes toward his face with curiosity. "Where are you going?"

"Helin Hanım has some exhibition or whatever abroad. Abi told me, 'You're in charge of Helin's security team.' So I've got to go. Orders are orders." (Author's note: Abi, literally "older brother," is also used as an affectionate or respectful form of address for an older man, even without a family relationship.)

"Didn't Kalender Bey's sister work as an actress? What's an exhibition got to do with anything?"

"Yeah, she's an actress, but she's studying fine arts. When Abi goes abroad, he takes special photographs for her, and she adds her own interpretation to them and turns them into paintings. She's more talented than you'd expect…"

Batu and Kalender Bey's younger sister, Helin, could never get along. He'd originally been part of Helin's security team, but he'd switched teams because they didn't get along. They loved getting on each other's nerves and arguing. When I thought about it, I found it strange because Batu had such a warm personality that he got along with everyone.

I frowned and looked at Batu. "Do you like this girl?"

With a mocking expression, he shook his head as if to say, "Get out of here." Then he said, "Don't be so cold, İstanbul. You'd think you were my ass-freezing Angara."

I stayed silent in response to his remark. İlknur abla asked, "What's Ankara like?"

Batu took a deep breath and answered. "It's pretty bitterly cold at first, but once you live there, you get used to it."

I teased him. "That's because Müdüre Hanım didn't heat the dorm enough. When the new director came, she took pity on us and spent some money. That's when our years-long battle with the cold finally ended."

He glanced briefly at İlknur abla in the mirror. "See that? My beloved Angara is just like Mehtap!"

I smacked Batu's arm hard. He was trying to call me a cold fish. Besides, whenever he talked to me, he turned into a kid from Ankara, while with İlknur abla, he was a perfect İstanbul gentleman.

He winked as he laughed. "I swear, a mosquito bite hurts more than that. Go train with Emin a little. You're going to have a hard time being this weak."

We chatted all the way to the hospital. Batu parked the car and got out with us. Just as we were about to reach the hospital entrance, Batu's phone rang.

"You two go ahead. I'll catch up."

İlknur abla went upstairs ahead of us. I decided to stay with Batu.

Batu answered his phone. "Yes, Ebru? I'm not anywhere nearby right now. Can't you let Behram abi know?"

Whatever he heard made him start pacing nervously.

"Okay, order new ones. We already have spares of all the office furniture in storage. I'm on my way. Don't let anyone into his office… Yes, Ebru… If he calms down before I get there, he'll call you himself. Don't go into his office unless he calls you. When he's angry, he doesn't care who's in front of him. You know that."

He began walking toward me. "Be careful. Don't let him hurt anyone." After saying that, he ended the call.

"Mehtap, I have to go now. Call me when you're done, okay?"

"You don't need to come back. I'm staying with my aunt today."

Actually, until that moment, I hadn't planned on staying at the hospital. Batu clearly had something to take care of, and I didn't want to trouble him.

"Would it be okay if I sent one of our guys?"

My eyebrows had already shot up before he'd even finished the sentence.

"There's no need, really. I'm a grown woman now. I can take care of myself…"

He reluctantly agreed, but I could see he was still unsure. For a moment, he looked back and forth between me and the parking lot.

"Come on, Batu, go. If there's an emergency, I'll call Emin and pester him. You obviously got an important call. Get going."

"Okay, I'm leaving, but if you decide not to stay, make sure you let me know. If I'm finished with work, I'll come pick you up." I nodded in agreement.

As he walked away from me, he began fiddling with his phone. "Hello, Mert. It's urgent. You need to come to the holding company. Abi's trashed his entire office again."

Kalender Kandemir? He didn't seem like such an angry man. He was the philanthropic businessman who was helping my aunt.

"How the hell should I know, man! Kurban olduğum abim (my beloved abi) must've gotten angry and lost his temper over something again…" He kept walking, so I couldn't hear the rest of his conversation.

Curious about what had happened, I went upstairs to my aunt's room. When I opened the door, I heard İlknur abla and my aunt talking.

"You're here, my kınalı kuzum?" (Author's note: Kınalı kuzum, literally "my henna-marked lamb," is a tender Turkish term of endearment.)

"I'm here, Auntie. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, keça min. I hadn't seen İlknur in such a long time. Seeing her lifted my spirits." (Author's note: Keça min is Kurdish for "my daughter" or "my girl," used affectionately.)

Although she said she was fine, I couldn't overlook how frail her body had become. Despite everything she'd been through, my aunt, who had been so full of life just a few years ago, had lost weight, and her hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes had fallen out because of the treatment. The dark circles beneath her eyes seemed like a warning of the days I never wanted to come.

I took the hand that wasn't attached to an IV between mine, lifted it slightly, and kissed it gently.

"My dearest auntie…"

I leaned my hip against the bed and sat down without putting my weight on it. I gently stroked her cheek, just as she'd once shown me affection.

When we both became emotional, İlknur abla worked hard to lift the sadness hanging over us. The two of them talked for several hours. Even though my aunt was tired, she couldn't tear herself away from the conversation for a while. When İlknur abla noticed, she decided it was time to leave. I got up to see her off.

"Aren't you coming, Mehtap? I've called a taxi. We can go together."

"I'm staying here tonight, abla. I'll wait until you get into the taxi, then I'll come back."

My aunt spoke to me softly, her eyes filling with tears. She'd understood why I didn't want to leave.

"Why don't you call Altuğ or Emin, Mehtap? You're already tired. Go home and get some rest, sweetheart."

I shifted uneasily. "There's no need, Auntie. I've missed you. Let's spend some time together and catch up. The metro's right nearby… I'll take it to school tomorrow."

My aunt said nothing. I followed İlknur abla out of the room.

I kept her company in front of the hospital while we waited for the taxi to arrive.

"Text me when you get there, abla. Don't forget." She nodded.

I glanced at the car's license plate and reached for my phone, then stopped.

Ah! I shouldn't do this anymore. A sense of trust… Looking at things positively… Yes, nothing bad was going to happen to her.

I straightened up and watched the taxi until it disappeared from sight.

When I reached the corridor where my aunt's room was, I looked around. Seeing a few familiar nurses made me feel relieved. Because of the nightmares I had, it was difficult for anyone to sleep beside me.

My aunt was deeply affected by my condition, and because she blamed herself, she would suddenly become ill. That was why I secretly slipped out into the corridor after she fell asleep. By now, the nurses here had grown accustomed to my situation, and a few of them were understanding.

When I entered the room, my aunt asked, "Aren't your medications helping?"

"Both the medication and therapy are helping. I'm not like I used to be. I just… get chills and don't feel safe. I don't have those episodes anymore, Auntie. Don't worry. I just don't like being alone with people I don't know…"

Suddenly, she began questioning me. "I heard you don't have any friends. Apparently, you don't talk much to the other interns, either."

"I have a few friends at school. Since I grew up with our boys, I can't say I get along very well with other women, but don't worry, I'm fine."

"Is Emin still giving you fighting lessons? You're keeping up with your training, aren't you? Oh, keça min, don't you dare neglect it. You never know what life might throw at you."

I let out a weary sigh. "Yes, he is. Have you forgotten, Auntie? They're bodyguards… Whenever men see one of the three with me, they disappear immediately. I'm not alone. Just worry about yourself."

She was worried I'd be alone after she died. I'd have no one left, and she knew it. She wanted to do everything she could before she died, but it was already too late.

"Is there someone you like? Someone from university or your internship… Someone who makes your heart beat faster when you see him… Someone you could have romantic moments with…"

I looked at her with my usual blank expression. "Actually…" I couldn't decide whether to tell her.

She asked excitedly. "What? Is there really someone?"

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