Chapter 3 — WHERE THE NIGHTMARES END, THERE YOU ARE - MEHTAP I

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Karanlık, rüya gibi fonda uyuyan kadın ve beyaz yazı: RUYAM MEHTAP ARK EVRENİ

⚠️ Suitable for adult readers. May contain triggering content. ⚠️

Mehtap ~ October 17, 2016 — Monday

I shook my head. "No, there isn't. I just met someone today. Actually, I wouldn't exactly say we met. I only know his first and last name. He's an annoying guy… I felt strange when our eyes met."

My aunt raised her head and looked at me. "So you got excited about someone? You… felt something for a man, is that it?"

"Oh my God," she exclaimed in astonishment, looking up at the ceiling. "Answer my prayer! I want to meet this man who made my girl feel something before I die."

"Hey, hey! I'm human, too. Of course I can feel things. It's just…"

My shoulders slumped. "I know I won't be able to meet the other person's expectations. Why would I drag someone else into my hell? Nobody makes sacrifices in relationships these days, Auntie."

She had just parted her lips when the door opened. One of the nurses I recognized came in. She greeted me with a nod and walked over to my aunt. She gave my aunt her medication to ease her pain and make her a little more comfortable.

"Hope you feel better," she said before leaving the room.

Just as my aunt was about to fall asleep, she murmured, "Mehtap."

I went over and leaned down toward her. "Yes, Auntie?"

She blinked slowly. "Altruism can lead to tragedy while shaping the future." I felt her hand on top of mine.

"Sacrifice isn't always a good thing, keça min. Don't forget your own worth."

When she closed her eyes, I knew she'd fallen asleep. I quietly stepped into the corridor and sat down in one of the chairs in the waiting area.

I leaned my head against the wall. For a while, I thought about what my aunt had said. I must have been tired from the day because I fell asleep before long.

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"Dad… Ambulance?"

I wasn't sure whether he'd heard me. "Dad, call an ambulance right now!"

He just stood there, watching us.

"Did I do this?" I frowned, unable to make sense of his question.

As if he were in shock, my father looked at the sharp piece of metal in his hand, then at the dark, jelly-like red substance coating his fingers. When his gaze turned toward us, I noticed that his face had gone pale.

I got up and walked toward the mansion's exit. When I opened the front door, I screamed with all my strength. "Dapîr! Ap! Bıraşîr! Is anybody there? Help!"

Hearing footsteps coming from downstairs, I returned to my mother's side. "Dayê. Hold on, dayê. They're coming… We're going straight to the hospital. Just hold on a little longer."

She looked at my face with the last of her strength and closed her eyes. The buzzing… The dizziness… The metallic smell filling the air, burning the back of my throat… The voices and cries around me…

My nails were digging into my skin like crazy, but I felt no pain.

I got up and walked toward the mansion's balcony. I'd only slept for a few hours. I could still be dreaming. All of this… everything that had happened… these weren't things that could happen to my mother and father, who looked at each other with so much love. I was just trapped in a stupid dream. I was in so much pain. I was suffocating.

As I climbed onto the stone railing, the wind struck my face and swept my hair back. I didn't hesitate for even a moment.

Everyone called it suicide. I called it waking up… It was just one of the nightmares I had every single night.

Every time I woke up, another nightmare followed. Each time, I felt trapped. I'd wake from the bullying I'd endured at the orphanage only to find myself back in that memory that had drained the color from my life. In fact, they were all dreams, and they were in the past.

"Auntie, is that you?" I walked toward the living room.

My aunt worked nights and wouldn't normally come home at this hour. When she was younger, she'd worked as a konsomatris at a gazino, but now she was helping the man who had taken over the place. Although she'd grown older, she was still a well-known woman in Ankara, and the man was making full use of her experience in the industry. (Author's note: A gazino is a Turkish entertainment venue featuring music and performances. A konsomatris is a woman employed to keep customers company, usually through conversation and drinks.)

"Auntie?" Finding no one in the living room, I headed toward the kitchen.

I didn't know who'd been more unfortunate in this story, my mother or my aunt. My mother had married my father out of love. And she'd been brutally murdered by the man she loved. After numerous tests, the court accepted that my father had psychological disorders and had suffered a violent mental breakdown as a result. Although he'd been held in custody during his trial, he hadn't spent much time in prison. He'd been in and out a few times, but he'd mostly received treatment at a clinic.

My aunt, on the other hand, had endured years of violence from the man she'd been married off to because she couldn't have a child. After my mother and father intervened and tried to protect my aunt, she and her husband went to the hospital for examinations, which showed that there was nothing wrong with her. It was then discovered that her husband was infertile, and the man took his own life.

Just when my aunt thought she'd escaped that torture, my mother died and my father went to prison. They then wanted to marry her off to her late husband's younger brother.

When she heard that I'd been placed in a state-run residential care home in Ankara, she'd managed to escape to Ankara by selling a few pieces of jewelry. At first, she'd taken refuge with an association and done cleaning jobs, but her husband's family hadn't left her alone.

After a while, she'd crossed paths with the establishment where she now worked. Back then, it had been a pavyon with influential regular customers. So they'd pretended to protect my aunt while taking advantage of her innocence. (Author's note: A pavyon is a Turkish late-night entertainment venue serving alcohol, often with music and hostesses who accompany customers.)

Although society judged my aunt for the work she did, she was actually a good woman. If she'd had another choice, she wouldn't have married that man or done this kind of work.

When I entered the kitchen, someone covered my mouth and pulled me toward him. Before I could understand what was happening, I began struggling.

"Shh! Be quiet, Firecracker. Don't worry, I'll do my best not to ruin that beauty of yours."

My whole body flinched in fear, and my throat began to burn with the urge to scream. I thrashed my legs around, trying to break free of his grip. But he pressed me even harder against his disgusting body. As tears streamed down my cheeks, one of his knuckles came close to my mouth. I bit his finger hard. When he pulled back in pain, I began screaming with all my strength.

It felt as though the strength in my legs had drained from my entire body. Leaning against the wall, I tried to make my way toward the front door. Just then, he recovered and grabbed the hair I'd tied into a bun, pulling on it hard.

I began shouting. "Stop! You're hurting me! Let go of my hair!"

He turned me toward him and slapped me hard across the face. The force of the slap sent my head crashing into the coat rack in the hallway, and then I fell to the floor.

"Please don't! I'm begging you, please don't!"

No matter how much I screamed or begged, he kept coming toward me. Grabbing my hair, he turned my head toward him.

"Look at you. Look what happened to your pretty face. This is your fault! All you had to do was keep quiet."

I deliberately screamed even louder. Surely someone had to hear me and come to help by now.

"Shut your mouth! You're making me even angrier!"

"Don't touch me! Help! Somebody help! Is anybody there?"

"Fine… Keep screaming. I'm not going to be gentle with you anymore."

The side of my face he'd just slapped was burning, and my entire body was trembling beneath him. I don't know how long it lasted. My heart shattered, and my body fell apart. My heart, which had grown cold when my mother died, froze solid right there in front of the door.

The warmth I felt in my hand suddenly pulled me away from where I was. I was at the worst part of my nightmare, and I knew… there was more to come. It didn't end here. Warmth. Yes, this warmth I was feeling had quickly drawn me away from that icy darkness.

I felt a breeze against my face, and then someone began gently stroking my hair. It was strange. A very, very familiar feeling, but I couldn't identify what it was. As I drifted between sleep and wakefulness, my body was still rigid from the nightmares I'd had.

Someone gently kissed the back of my hand, then placed something in my palm. Before my mind could even register what it was, the scent that filled my nose scattered all my thoughts. I felt so exhausted that I didn't have the strength to open my eyes. I was probably covered in beads of sweat from the nightmares I'd had.

Normally, I would never have allowed anyone to touch me like this. I would have raised hell, but now I couldn't do anything. I struggled to resist as my mind tried to shut itself down.

My head came to rest against something as my body was wrapped tightly. I felt as though I had no choice but to surrender to this warmth.

A familiar voice said, "I finally found you, my Moonlight."

With the scent of roses filling my nose, I couldn't make out the words that followed. My mind suddenly surrendered to sleep.

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⚠️ Suitable for adult readers. May contain triggering content. ⚠️

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